Right Hand Column

"Cracker Trivia"

Craic
The context involving 'news' and 'gossip' originated in English and Scots and came to Ireland through Ulster dialects of English, where the sense of 'fun' developed.
Like the origin of words over the centuries, 'crack' was borrowed, probably in the 1960s or 1970s, into the Irish language with a Gaelicized spelling ('craic'). 'Craic' was also used on Irish-language hand-lettered signs displayed outside many pubs, and subsequently the Irish spelling was reborrowed for English-language signs and publications. Until the late 1980s, this spelling was unknown in English.
Fintan Vallely recently wrote, via an open letter in regards to his entry under craic in his Companion to Irish Traditional Music (largely considered definitive):
...the spelling craic causes serious nausea among intelligent people. This glib spelling of the word was invented in the 1970s.... The article also makes it clear that it is the context of the use of the Irish spelling of the word that is the issue - if craic is to be used, it should be used while writing in the Irish language, OR placed in parentheses or in italics when writing in English. I stress that this is a word which was NEVER in the Irish language (but cr ic, meaning arsehole, or creac, meaning herd, are). ... I grew up using the word in the 1950s. When I went to Dublin (from Ulster) in 1968 NOBODY I met in Dublin used 'crack', but people from down south used 'gas' (a corruption of the Irish geas meaning spell, or wonder, effectively the same thing). 'Crack' only began to be used with the influx of northerners and in the context of music, it travelled with northern influence until southern people began to believe that they had invented it. Ciaran Carson is particular enraged by the craic spelling, so too Desi Wilkinson and many other otherwise tolerant souls. ...."
Now, 'craic' is interpreted as a specifically and quintessentially Irish form of fun. One columnist for The Irish Times once said of the word: 'Most Irish people now have no idea it's foreign. Critics have accused the Irish tourism industry and the promoters of Irish theme pubs of marketing 'commodified craic' as a kind of stereotypical Irishness.
Because of its unknown meaning in America, fans of singer Daniel O'Donnell were quite shocked when he told a story about a time when he and some friends were having some 'great craic' which they thought was a reference to the drug 'crack' cocaine.

Joe Kelly's Corner Bar

 A Good Craic at the Irish -

>An Irishman was sentenced to be hanged, but saved his life by dying in prison !

> Two Irishmen were in a space craft. The first left the craft for a space walk, and on his return he knocked on the capsule door to regain entry.  "Whose there?" asked the second Irishman !!!

>  A railway passenger asked an Irishman what time the next train for Dublin was leaving at.  "The next train  for Dublin", said the Irishman," has just left...!"

> Two Irishmen were on a holiday in France and staying at a farmhouse.  They were disgusted  to find everybody in France spoke French.  One morning  they were awakened by a rooster that was crowing loudly
"Do you know", said one Irishman to the other,"that's the first word of English we've heard since we arrived !"

> Paddy's idea of a well balanced man is a chap with a drink in both hands !

> Murphy  took his wife to a large hotel on their first trip away from home.  About one o'clock in the morning his wife awoke and said she was thirsty, so he went down the corridor and got her a glass of water.  About two o'clock she awoke again for the same reason so Murphy got her another drink.  Finally , she awoke at 3 o'clock and again was thirsty, so the angry husband once again set of down the corridor.  About half an hour later he returned with the glass of water. "What kept you so long?" she asked him.
"Sorry for the delay", he replied,"but there was a fella sittin' on the well !"

> Did you hear about the Irishman who went to a posh restaurant?  He ordered an expensive meal, paid for it, and sneaked out without eating it.........!

> And an Irishman who went to London for the very first time was shown great kindness by a Pakastani bus conductor.  As he stepped off the bus, he said; "Thank you very much  sir, and I hope your head gets better soon!"

3 Pints Paddy

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he has finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. It's me..."

"...I've quit drinking!"

Sid & Joe

Two NOBM Irishmen, Sidney McCann and Joseph Kelly were brought together through the love of rugby & good drop and so became lifelong friends. But alas, Joseph developed an illness, and thought he was dying. While at the club on Saturday night, Joe called to his buddy, Sid. "McCann, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye." Sid walked to his friend at the bar and gives him the nod that all men know as "Gidday, How's it going?".

"Sidney ole boy, we've been friends for a long time, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."

McCann burst into tears, "Anything Joseph, anything ye wish. It's done."

"Well, under me bed at home is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey in all of Ireland.  Bottled the year I was born it was. After I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."

McCann was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, presuming it 's Jamiesons, might I strain it through me kidneys first?"
 

Is there a chance of just a little more whiskey

What do you mean there's none left.
Where's it all gone

Geez Pat - You big guts.

Left Hand Column

Green & Blue
Red & Black

Paddy was in  New York ...
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.   The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.'   Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?

Irish and Lions winger Tony O'Reilly claimed that he over-indulged in the use of liniment, working on the theory that if you were not fit it was good sense to smell fit..........

And then their was the personal letter from an Irish mother to her son living abroard -
Dear Son,
Just a few lines  to let you know I'm still alive.  I'm writing this letter slowly because I know that you read slowly.  You won't know the house when you come home, we've moved.   About your father, he has a lovely new job, he has 500 men under him, cutting grass at the Cemetery.
There was a washing machine in the new house when we moved in but it isn't working too good.  Last week I put 14 shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.  Your sister Mary had a baby  this morning, I haven't found out if it is a boy or girl, so I won't know if you're an aunt or uncle.
Your uncle Dick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Public Brewery, some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely.  We cremated his body and it took three days to put the fire out.  It only rained twice last week, once for three days and then  four days.  Monday it was so windy that one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.
We had a letter from the undertaker, he  said that the if the last instalment was not paid on your grandmothers funeral in seven days,"up she comes".
Your Loving Mother.
P.S.  I was going to send you five pounds, but  I had already sealed the envelope.

Seamus do you understand French.
I do if its spoken in Irish

Irish toast: May you be in heaven a half-hour before the devil knows you are dead.